Disappointment
I want to be a writer. I am a writer. I have control over this. I write words. A lot. I used to struggle getting words on paper and thought that was the reason why I didn’t “feel like a real writer.” I joked that I wrote mostly in my head. But I’ve been doing a lot better with that “hiccup” lately; I write all the time again – like I used to when I first discovered my love of words.
I want people to read my words. This is the part I don’t have control over. I want to influence people in positive, inspirational ways. I’ve blogged often about wanting to write another book but not being able to decide what to write it about (i.e., too many ideas, not enough time). I also often waver between spending more time on this blog – to really develop it into something far-reaching – rather than writing another book. Often, I second-guess myself as to whether I should focus on book writing or blogging.
A couple of weeks ago, I participated in C.J. Hayden’s “Get It Written Day.” Leading up to that day, I’d decided to focus on blogging. So, my goal for the day was to write 6 blog posts – a giveaway announcement post and 5 monthly giveaway posts. I got them all done. I published the announcement post and scheduled the 5 giveaway posts, with the first set to publish the following week. I even tried my hand at my first email campaign to spread the news. I was so proud of myself. I ended the day most definitely feeling like a writer and blogger.
Two weeks in, I have 0 entries.
Two weeks in, I have 60-70 views and 0 entries.
So, people don’t want free stuff? Or, worse, don’t want to acknowledge they read my words? Or, worse still, don’t read my words at all?
This is why I sometimes don’t feel like a writer. This is why I sometimes wonder if it’s worth writing at all? This is why I sometimes think my desire to influence/inspire people is stupid.
Getting Over It
Ironically, as I’m typing this, I’m listening to a lecture on happiness. My paths to jobs and careers in my life have always been a bit winding and unorthodox. Not surprisingly, then, developments in 2020 have led me to pursue accountability coaching. I blogged not long ago about being on a productivity kick and followed that up with setting unrealistic goals (e.g., my NaNoWriMo experience). My business partners and I are developing an accountability business and I’ve decided to pursue a few coaching certifications as a part of that. I’ve already completed courses on Goal Setting and Group Life Coaching.
One of the certifications is for being a “Happiness Life Coach,” hence the happiness lecture.
So, here I was wallowing in self-pity about no one reading my words and thinking my goals are stupid, and I’m brought back to the present by what I’ve chosen to focus on today: happiness.
There’s so much truth to focusing on positive thoughts over negativity. I’ve admitted before that I used to be a “Negative Nelly” but my whole life changed when I started focusing on the good rather than the bad. And I’m reminded of that today as I continue my training.
I can’t wait to share that with others through coaching and, yes, through my words.
Featured Image Credit: Screenshot from Come On Get Happy (The Partridge Family Theme) by David Cassidy-Topic on YouTube.