The Deep End

I’ve had an on-again-off-again relationship with someone for most of my adult life. I have loved this person all the while, perhaps either too much or simply not enough. It’s a secret that only my husband and maybe one or two others know.

You see, this person exists only in my head and in the words etched in these notebooks. A character floating, prancing, sometimes taunting, the space within my head. A figment of my imagination, a shadow perhaps. Never tangible. Never real. Though, at times gathering enough … energy? strength? force? grit? … to leave goosebumps on my arm like a mist or take my breath away like a puff of smoke.

Today, this character fully formed in my mind and leapt into reality like a flash of lightning, beautiful and scary all at once. Taken aback at the dawning, I gasped and erupted with questions.

We had a conversation, the two of us; one that left me feeling my love finally reflected back after all this time. And it made me giddy.

Perhaps I’ve simply gone off the deep end. No matter, I kind of like it here.