Last updated on October 1, 2017
Have you ever exploded an egg?
More than once.
Yeah, I didnâ€™t learn from my mistake the first time.
In case you didnâ€™t already know this, if you boil eggs too long â€“ like so long all the water is gone, then theyâ€™ll explode. Seriously, the egg gets so hot on the inside that the inside comes out. Thereâ€™s singeing and crackling and smoke all leading up to the final shebang â€“ loud, stinking combustions of yellow and white showering down around the pan.
When boiling eggs, itâ€™s best not to leave the room.
Perhaps leaving the room doesnâ€™t have the same effect on you that it does on me.
Well, good on you.
You want to know the saddest part? I even told myself (yes, I talk to myself, thatâ€™s not the sad part, thatâ€™s a sign of genius) â€œI should set an alarm on my phone to check on the eggs in 10 minutes.â€
I said that as I left the kitchen.
By the time I walked across the house to the office (about 30 steps; I literally just counted them) the thought had left me. It clung to the air of the room Iâ€™d exited. I imagine the words hung in the air like a cartoon thought bubble. Iâ€™m guessing the smoke snuffed it out eventually.
The first time I exploded eggs, the Girl was home sick from school. After a few inexplicable noises and a stench that made her stomach turn more than it already had, she crept into the office and scared the bejesus out of me. Iâ€™d been working and singing along to the radio as though no one else was home (I may have forgotten anyone was). When she asked, â€œWere you cooking something?â€ I was certain I hadnâ€™t been. We walked back to the kitchen together to investigate. Only then, once I saw the scattered egg pieces on the countertops and cabinet doors, splattered on the floor and hanging from the ceiling, seriously only then, did the lightbulb shine. I had been boiling eggs.
So this time around, laughing at myself (another sure sign of genius), I said â€œdonâ€™t forget the eggs, eh?â€
Fast forward I donâ€™t know how long later, Iâ€™m in the office working, the radioâ€™s on â€¦ this is all very familiar.
I hear a noise coming from the other side of the house. I think, â€œWhat was that?â€ Nacho (the Chihuahua) was asleep on the couch. So I figure he did that gross “hock a loogie”Â noise he makes sometimes.
And I keep working.
â€œWhat is that smell?â€
Iâ€™m still typing.
Wait, thereâ€™s that sound again. â€œOkay, let me just finish this sentence then Iâ€™ll go checkâ€”â€
â€œHoly crap! I blew up the eggs again.â€
I dashed into the kitchen and the stench slapped me in the face. Anybody in the mood for exploded egg?