Last week we vacationed at Gulf Shores for the week with Pepa. It was a long, fun week filled with pool trips, beach outings and LOTS of seafood. Over the course of the week, in my state of sheer exhaustion from chasing kids in the sun, I may have said a few crazy things like:
“Pee on yourself.”
“If I’d been a boy, I’d have ogled too.”
“Don’t touch anyone’s balls but your own.”
“I think parasailing would be fun.”
Okay, as it turns out, only the last one was actually crazy. A little backstory, if you please:
Boy Genius got stung by a jellyfish. Actually I think he got stung multiple times all around the same spot on his foot. So as he ran-skipped back into the condo hollering about the pain, I said “Pee on yourself.” Remember the Friends episode where Monica gets stung by the jellyfish and Joey is going to pee on it because that supposedly dulls the pain but he gets the “stage fright” and Chandler has to do it? Okay, I honestly don’t know if peeing on jellyfish stings is a “real” solution or not, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time. And in case you’re wondering, he did it and he said it helped. And I laughed. So there.
During one of the many pool excursions, we were tossing a ball back and forth in the pool. Bryan practically nailed Boy Genius (who’s 8, mind you) in the head because Boy Genius was … er, um … busy looking elsewhere. A rather tan bikini-clad young woman had stopped on the steps of the pool and was dipping water from the pool onto various parts of herself. In the car later when we were picking on Boy Genius for getting busted, Bryan said, “All I wanna know is, does the boy have good taste?” To which I answered, “If I’d been a boy, I’d have ogled too.”
Just to shake things up a bit, we went to play mini-golf one night after dinner. Wonder Boy (who’s 4, today!) didn’t quite “get it.” He certainly liked swinging the club … at everything in sight … but even more, he liked picking up all the balls after people hit them. We kept telling him to leave them alone and let everyone hit again and again but he didn’t listen. At one point, I said rather loudly, “Don’t touch anyone’s balls but your own.” To which the Girl replied, “Mom!”
When we were driving into Gulf Shores, I saw some people parasailing, so I said “I think parasailing would be fun.” Bryan latched on to this and kept coming back to it all week. I knew he was picking on me because: I don’t like heights, I don’t like falling, I don’t like going under water, I don’t like not being in control. Clearly, that was the craziest thing I said all week.